Sight

Who: Gucci

What: Men’s sun glasses

Where: Where you need to be the No. 1 stunner

When: When it’s sunny. When haters need blocking. When it works with your gear.

How: Hold edges, slide over ears and in front of eyes and be cool

Knowledge me: Yeah protection from UV rays is nice, but these joints run about a hundred bucks and should primarily be pulled out for high profile floss maneuvers. To be fly, you gotta look fly.

Sound

Who: Aliph Jawbone Bluetooth earpiece

What: The Jawbone Era

Where: Anywhere it’s real noisy

When: When you get tired of saying “Can you hear me?”

How: Wrap it around your ear and burn some cell phone minutes.

Knowledge me: The Jawbone Era is the absolute tip-top high tech ear hugger. I don’t care if you’re in the loudest party in town, with one of these joints, you’ll be the only playa in the game getting his phone rap on – and it has caller i.d.

Smell

Who: Axe

What: Body spray for men

Where: Wherever women are gonna be.

When: When you see a hottie, spray it on your body.

How: Apparently all you need to do is spray it on and the girls go wild!

Knowledge me: The legend of Axe Body Spray says that one whiff of this stuff is like aromatic crack – the ladies have to have you. But the very best part is when the women break down that whole little dance thing, you know, “Bom Chicka Waa Waa.”

Taste

Who: Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch (d.b.a. Cap ‘n Crunch)

What: Breakfast Cereal

Where: In the cereal aisle.

When: Maybe only once or twice a year. Outside of the empty calories, the Yellow 5 coloring is a little suspicious, health-wise. I vote no for kid usage, but hey if you’re grown, crunch away.

How: Go “Jethro Bodine style” and dump the whole box in a big ol’ pot, grab a really big spoon and get bizzy. (Eat at your own risk!)

Knowledge me: Invented in 1965 with a slick combination of brown sugar and butter, Cap ‘n Crunch has a zillion “Spin-Off” cereals (Crunch Berries, Peanut Butter Crunch, Vanilly Crunch, etc.) all of which will shred the crap out of the roof of your mouth if eaten all willy-nilly! 

Touch

Who: The massage therapist

What: Hot Basalt stones (nature’s healing stone)

Where: On your back (chakra meridians), in palms, between toes.

When: When you take the cucumber slices off of your eyelids and roll over.

How: While lying down, a trained hot stone-placer will incorporate a Swedish massage with the warmth and pressure of the stones.

Knowledge me: Also known as “Rub Rocks” these stones have been used across the globe since ancient times to heal and rejuvenate the body. 

Extra Sensory

Who: The Inner you

What: Meditation

Where: A quiet place to center oneself.

When: When you find it necessary.

How: Even if you can’t bust out into a “Full Lotus,” correct posture and breathing is important.