Read about some of the crimes.

Criminal of the week:

Lil’ dude 5 feet tall and weighing ‘bout a buck 20 robs bank: I can’t understand how this lil’ chump could even see over the counter, let alone scare somebody.  But, on May 7, at about 10:12 a.m., it was reported that the Fifth Third Bank on Eakin Road, had been robbed by some lil’ short dude that didn’t stand any taller than the counter. The teller said that Shorty strolled in, and up to the window and gave her a scantly written note, “this is a stick up, gimmee the loot.”  The teller gave Shorty some cash and he took off running.  He is described as maybe being a White male, hardly over 5 feet tall and weighing in at around 120 lbs. Know him?  Tell on him and get paid by calling (614) 645-4665 

Akron Ohio

A foolish momma leaves her 4 year-old child, “Home Alone”: On May 10, at 10:05 a.m., a call came in about a house in the 900 block of  Sawyer Avenue, reporting that some dim-witted woman had left her four year old child in the house all by them self and she was no where to be found.      

A car was sent over to Miss Hot to Trot’s house to check on the child, and I sure Children and Family Services showed up next.    Hello! This lamebrain chick ain’t got a clew that she will go to jail for this.   

Some clown in a Chevy Impala is driving on the wrong side of the street: I know folks were saying where in the hell is this fool going? On May 10, around 10:07 a.m., there was several reports form passing motorist that some dummy in a white Chevy Impala was driving down the street on the wrong side of the road. Several cars were rushed over to try and tell this numbskull that they are driving on the wrong side of the street.   

Grubby panhandler is on S. Main hassling folks for spare change: Ya’ll come get him! On May 10, at 10:18 a.m., several calls came in reporting that there was some grubby looking dude in the 2000 block ofSouth Main Street, walking around hassling folks for their spare change. A unit was sent over to let this goofball know that there ain’t no such thang as spare change and tell him to get his behind steppin.

Landlord requesting to come get this vagabond out his building: On May 10, at 10:40 a.m., a very distraught landlord of a property in the 400 block ofBeachwood Avenue, called and reported that he needed some help in trying to get this vagrant off his property. A car was sent out to assist this po landlord in distress.

Some folks are fighting like crazy over on Balvenie Avenue: On May 10, at 10:41 and too early in the morning for folks to be fighting, a call came from a location  in the 10100 block of Balvenie Avenue, reporting that that folks were duking it out and ya’ll git over here fast befoe somebody gets hurts. A unit was rushed over there to settle this knock down, drag out brawl.

A fool is over on East Archwood high as a kite on meth: May 11, at around 9:01 a.m., a caller in the 600 block of East Archwood Avenue, called in and reported that there a dude named Mike was out there screaming his head off and he is no doubt high as hell on meth and full of whisky. A car was sent over to try a put a lid on this nitwit before he explodes. Another cop radioed in that this dude is no stranger to them and he stay high all the time.

A nosey neighbor on Shoreline Drive wants to make a complaint: On May 11, at 10:25 am, a neighbor in the 2600 block ofShoreline Drive called in and requested that a car come out immediately because they wanted to file a complaint.

A car was sent over to check out the situation that that this person needed file which warranted so much attention right then.

Columbus Ohio

Say whuut! Somebody done shot Re’Sean in his behind on 22 St.:

On May 11, at around 10:08 p.m., a person in the block of South Livingstone and 22 Street, called and reported that a 27 year-old dude name Re’Sean H. had been shot in his behind while he was walking down the street.  Sean said these knuckleheads pulled up beside him in a gold colored car and they “just opened fired fu nuthin.”  The car speed off after the shooting.  Sean was taken to a nearby hospital and is expected to make a full recovery from his injury in the buttocks. 

Teenaged thugs are over on West Rich Street shooting: On May 9, at around 11:22 a.m., officers were called to a fight in the 1400 block ofWest Rich Street, where folks say that they heard some gun shots.  Upon arrival cops found that a 22 year-old man named Demarco had been shot by two young thugs, one 16 and the other 17.  At this time details are sketchy.  “D” was transported to a near by hospital and reportedly in stable condition. What are these young-un’s doing out of school at this time of day, and where in the world is they momma’s and daddy’s?

These fools have gone crazy and they just shot Demario: On May 5, about 11:56 p.m., police were called to a location in the 1500 block of Genessee Avenue, where it had been reported that a 21 year-old fella named Demario had been shot several times.  Again, nobody saw nothing, knew nothing and some didn’t hear nothing.  “D” was transported to a near by hospital and treated.This is absolutely crazy!  We are killing ourselves with this dumb stuff of “don’t snitch.”  Again, if you see something, say something.

Cleveland Ohio

Two lil’ kids are playing in the parking lot of the strip joint: On May 12, at  9:59 p.m., a concern person called and reported that there were two kids, one which is about 3 and the other about 4,  are playing in the parking lot at the Crazy Horse strip club on East 13 and St. Clair Avenue. The caller also said that there is no adult around and who ever these “churren” belong to, must be in the club. A car was sent out to see who left these two munchkins out there to fend for them selves while their parents were inside enjoying themselves or the momma, who could be working on the poles. 

Marshae is mad as hell because they took his daughter’s stuff: On May 13,  around 10:03 p.m., a very angry and upset mother named Marshae, in the 700 block of East 114th Street, called and reported that she was holding some people at her house  who had taken some property away from her daughter and she is going to take it back.   She is sick and tiered of this bull s---- and ya’ll betta get her fast before she takes matters into her own hands.  A unit was sent out.

Two hot heads are fighting like dogs on Parmelee: Around 9:41 p.m., on May 13, a call was received from some very agitated folks at an address in the 9000 block ofParmelee Avenue, who reported that there are two guys out in their front yard who are fighting just like two dogs. Ya’ll come out here and get these fools before they kill each other.  Although no weapons were involved a car was rushed out to settle the dispute between these two pit-bulls.

Come get this fool DeAngelo on East 125^th Street he’s got a gun: At about 9:43 p.m., on May 13, a 911 call was received from some people in the 4800 block of East 125 Street, who reported there’s big ruckus going on in their house and ya’ll need to get here fast, ‘cause DeAngelo  is here with a gun. The dispatcher said that she could hear some dude in the background hollering and screaming while she was on the phone with the caller. Dispatch said the lady hung up and when she called back she got a recording.  Ya’ll get out there quick before somthing else happens. 

Woman said that her ornery sister and cuzin jumped on her: On May 12, around 9:46 p.m., a very disturbed woman called in from the 2400 block of East 35 Street in the Arbor Park Estates, reporting that her ornery-butt sister and her cuzin had jumped on her. A unit was sent out to check up on this friendly Family Feud.  But, there are always two sides to every story. Huuuuum! I wonder what this one is about and I bet they ain’t slugging it out fu nothing.

Pete is back bulling and threatening his baby’s momma: On May 12, at about 9:26 p.m., a frantic woman who lives in the 880 block of Randall Road, called and reported that her baby’s daddy Peter H. is back on the scene bulling and threatening her.  She said that the police warned this fool about this before. A car was sent out for ol’ Pete.

Karen said her baby’s daddy’s momma hit her with a pole: On May 12, at about 9:55 p.m., a woman named Karen who was mad as hell and lives in the 3600 block of East 65 Street,  called in and reported her baby’s daddy and his  momma had just beat her up.  Miss K. also said that dude’s momma swung on her and then hit her with a big iron pipe and then her baby’s daddy shot at her. A car was rushed over to snuff out this mad house frenzy and to settle the scores between everybody once and for all.

She is gonna kick Keith’s butt when he comes out the Beverage store:

On May 12, at 9:30 p.m., a frightened dude name Keith who was stuck in the Lee-Harvard Beverage Store, called and reported that his baby’s momma was outside in the parking lot threatening to whip his behind when he comes out of the store. The dispatcher said that Keith is scared to go outside, and he just stopped in to get his drink on.  A car was sent out to help Mr. K. escape this scorned woman. 

Imani’s baby’s daddy threw the child out on the grass: At 9:28 p.m., on May 12, a very pissed woman named Imani,  who lives in the 900 block of East 123 Street, called and reported that her child’s rotten daddy drove up and just threw the child out on the grass and kept going. She said the child was not hurt and she didn’t needEMS, but it is the thought of it what this idiot did. A car was sent over to take the child endangering report.

Neighbor on Riverside is playing their music too damn loud: On May 12, around 9:41 p.m., some very annoyed neighbors in the 3500 block ofRiverside Avenue, called in and complained that their ignorant neighbors got their music cranked up so loud you can probably hear it downtown.   Would ya’ll please send somebody out here and tell these but holes to either turn it down or turn it off.

A car was sent out to tell the annoyers to knock it off.