Dude is outside drunker than Cootie Brown with no shirt or shoes on: At 10:38 p.m., on July 22, a very concerned neighbor in the 1300 block of Hillcrest Avenue, called and reported that there is a White dude outside who is shirtless and barefoot.
Criminal of the week:
County judge bites plug out of dog fight ringleader: Just maybe this idiot had never heard of a football player name Michael Vick, who did extensive jail time for dogs fighting. On July 16, a Cuyahoga County judge sentenced Collin Rand Jr. 33, to start his first 180 days in jail for taking bets and making some po dogs fight each other. The judge gave this dummy a break and allowed Mr. “C” to plead guilty to some lesser charges. They had originally charged him with 28 counts of dog fighting, 6 counts of cruelty to animals, drug trafficking, carrying a pistol, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Once he is in the joint let’s see how well he can fight. That a good bet and a sho-nuff winner!
Some scandalous sucka stole my food stamp card: On July 17, at 9:09 a.m., it was reported by some folks living in the 1400 block of South Main Street, that some ornery rotten crook walked in to their house and took their wallet that had their, SS card, $140 in cash money, their Ohio ID card and their Ohio Directional card which is used to buy food. They believe that it was somebody they knew because hadn’t nobody been there except kin folks. Oh well! Who can you trust?
Thieving scallywag cuts hole in floor to break into bar: If a chump is willing to work this hard to rob somebody this guy can get a job. On July 18, it was reported that around 8:30 a.m., on July 16, some thieving bastard had the nerve to cut a hole in the floor of an upstairs apartment to break in the bar downstairs. The thief looted the bar located at 1090 Brown Street, and stole a karaoke stereo system, some big speakers, a 27 inch TV, and a bunch of other stuff. If you know who this is, tell on him: call 330-434-2677, Crime Stoppers.
A no good, low down, dirty rotten heathen broke into the church: On July 18, it was reported that on July 16, some low down, dirty rotten scoundrel broke into the South Street Ministries Church, over on Grant Street, through the front porch window and went into the church. At this time the preacher said that they weren’t sure what this thief took and they are checking to see if anything is missing. A police report was filed.
Kathy and Fred were desperate, stealing duct work to buy drugs:
Can you believe these two knuckleheads? On July 17, it was reported that Katherine Stanly, 45, and 54-year-old Fredric Grisby, broke into a house over on King Street, and ripped the people’s duct work right out of the walls. The irony is that these two buzzards were caught on video ripping down stuff and stealing like they had lost their minds. A hidden camera identified these two idoits and the cops went and picked they’re behinds up.
Kris Cater went berserk and beat a fella unconscious: For whatever reason this chump must have lost his mind for a minute and beat this po’ man until he was unconscious. On July 17, it was reported that a chump named Kristopher Carter, 29, who lives on Elinor Avenue, jumped on a po’ fella, knocked him down and continued to pound on him until the dude was unconscious. The cops said that after Kris knocked dude down he got on top of him and went berserk and started wailing away like he had lost his ever-loving mind. The fella was taken to a nearby hospital and the cops charged Kris’ butt with Felonious Assault. Now let him fight that!
What on earth possessed these fools to roll up the rug and steal it:
Oooowee! I know these rogues done went plum crazy when they rolled up the damn rug and steal it. On July 12, at around 9 a.m., some thieving fools broke into a vacant house over in the 1100 block of Himelright Boulevard, and almost wiped out everything that was in it. These clowns took a sofa, a loveseat, a lawn mower, the kitchen stove, the plants and then had the balls to roll up the damn rug and take it. When these buzzards get caught the judge need to lock them up and throw away the key.
A chump hired to clean their home, cleaned them out: On July 17, it was reported that a family hired a chump named Matthew Shumway to clean up their house, and Matt stole six of their blank checks and went on a check cashing rampage. This fool forged these folk’s name and cashed the checks at a number of different locations around Akron and Springfield that, when they all were totaled up, came to $2,017.04. You got to know who you are hiring to do work around your house. Everybody ain’t honest.
The cops busted Godfrey walking out of the folk’s backyard: On July 17, at 8:07 a.m., a caller in the 100 block of Hall Street, reported that there was a chump burglarizing the house next door, “and if ya’ll hurry up you will grab this fool in the act.” When the cops arrived they spotted a 43-year-old Clifford Godfrey walking out of the back yard holding the goods. Cliff admitted that he had gone into the house looking for some stuff to scrap. He also had in his possession some criminal tools and two pocket knives. Busted!
You know it had to be a dope fiend to steal 35 Percocet pills: On July 13, between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m., it was reported that a dope junkie had broke into some folk’s house over on Bank Street and stole their Yamaha dirt bike and some other miscellaneous stuff. They also stole the family’s recently filled prescription of 35 Percocet pills. This thug probably just took the motorbike to make his get-away. The cops are on the look out for this one, so watch yo medicine cabinet.
Bryan came home drunk and punched his baby’s momma in the face: On July 16, a 44-year-old lush named Bryan who lives on Wilbur Avenue, came home drunk, got into a big argument with his baby’s momma and some other folks and then he started acting a fool. Some people said that not only did this clown jump on his baby’s momma, but this fool pushed the five-year-old child down on the floor. Somebody that was there video recorded this fool in his folly. The cops came out arrested his drunk behind.
Some nut case shot Steve twice while he was out walking his dog: On July 16, at 10:15 p.m., 40-year-old Steven Burke, who lives in the Pointe Apartments, located on Harrisburg Pike, was out walking his dog when he saw a car driving into the complex parking lot. As Steve continued his to walk, the car drove near him and several shots rang out. Two of the bullets hit Steve as the car was moving. He was taken to a nearby hospital where he was treated for shots in his upper body. If you know something about the clowns that shot him, tell it. Steve said that he doesn’t have a clue who would want to harm him. Police are looking into the matter.
Burglars, one White and two Black broke into home on Old Hickory Dr: The police are asking for information on this trio of integrated crooks that broke into a home on Old Hickory Drive last April 7, around 12:50 p.m. These slick rascals removed the air conditioner from a window of the home and climbed in and helped themselves to electronics, eight guns, jewelry and numerous other items that they could heist. Luckily the whole hit was caught and recorded on a surveillance camera. The police have pictures of the thieves, but it would help if you could give some help to nab these 3 el-slickos.
This idiot must be out his mind going into the bank with a shotgun: Around 1:22 p.m., on July 16, a dude walked into the Huntington Bank on East Main Street with a shotgun and a pistol and told the folks “this is a stick up.” This character waved his guns and the teller started stuffing money into bag. The robber took the bag and took off running. Who in the hell does this fool think is, Jessie James? Chances are the cops will pop him on sight walking in with a shotgun. If you know something, say something.
Po’ Shannon was shot by two thugs in the ally: On July 22, around 12:54 a.m., Shannon Williams was walking in an ally on East 2nd Avenue, when two punks approached and one of them pulled out a pistol and shot Shannon as they passed him by. Shannon said that he didn’t even know these two and was surprised when they shot him. The cops are looking for these two bullies that want to walk around just shooting folks for the hell of it.
Grown man shot a 13-year-old boy in his arm: Chances are the authorities are going to be a little tuff on 35-year-old James Chambers when they catch his behind, because on July 15, around 6:10 pm., the cops responded to a shooting of a 13-year-old boy over on North Hampton Road, by a 35-year-old man. The details are sketchy at this time, but police say that Chambers, 35, is on the run. If this was an accident, the cops want to know just what happened, and Big Jim need to turn himself in. If you know were James is hiding out call (614) 645-4141 and get paid.
Ms. Jackson’s landlord turned off all the damn electric in her house: Who in the hell does he think he is? This is a Housing Court matter and if there is a dispute it must be taken before a judge. On July 22, around 10:21 p.m., a very angry woman named Ms. Jackson, who lives in the 3500 block of East 135th Street, called and reported that she and her landlord were in a hell-of-a feud, because this chump had turned off all the electricity in her apartment for spite, and she’s got small kids. She said that the landlord also lives in the same house. “Ya’ll come and make this man turn the damn lights back on.” A unit was rushed out to help settle this volatile landlord-tenant situation before it got worse. Hurry!
A bunch of folks on Kempton are out front fighting: Ya’ll please hurry up and get here before these fools kill each other! On July 22, at 10:29 p.m., a call came from a house in the 10200 block of Kempton Avenue, reporting that a bunch of folks are out in front of their house fighting like crazy. Although no weapons were reported, a car was rushed out to break up the slugfest. We all know that these are the dog days of summer and when it gets too hot, folks start going nuts.
Folks on Kelso are on the front porch messing with people: On July 22, at 10:30 p.m., a very angry neighbor from a house in the 13500 block of Kelso Avenue, called, screaming. The caller reported a bunch of young punks sitting on the front porch of the house a few doors down, picking at and disturbing people who pass by. Some body gon’ get hurt! Come get these young punks. A unit was sent out to check this matter out.
Dude is outside drunker than Cootie Brown with no shirt or shoes on: At 10:38 p.m., on July 22, a very concerned neighbor in the 1300 block of Hillcrest Avenue, called and reported that there is a White dude outside who is shirtless and barefoot. The caller also stated that the man is drunker than Cootie Brown and acting like he is out of his mind. A car was sent out to help sober up this highly intoxicated male.
John on Tarkington says he wants a crazy woman out his house:
On July 22, at around 10:39 p.m., a very up-set fella named John, who lives in the 17200 block of Tarkington Avenue, called and reported that his crazy exgirlfriend is over at his house acting a fool. John said that he tried to throw her behind out, but she is fighting and acting a fool and refusing to leave. A car was sent out to help Dear John to get his obsessed ex-girlfriend to leave.