The weekly blotter is off the hook this week

Criminal of the week:

CINCINNATI

Pothead asks judge if he could blaze high as a kite.  Mr. “I Can’t Quit Smokin” went to court on Nov.13, before Judge Melba Marsh and he told her, “I need to cut back on smoking marijuana.”  

“Cut back?” Marsh said with a sly smile. “You need to stop.” Mitchell told the judge he doubted if he could stop smoking weed as she requested because he’d been smoking it and he had started at an early age.  He even asked up “one mo joint” before jail time. 

Whaaaaaaat? For real, for real, this bud head is hooked and he’s truly out of his tree. Back on June 1, Cincinnati Police arrested Damaine Mitchell at a Westwood Market at the corner of Baltimore and McHenry Avenues. When police walked up to Mitchell, he had an unlit joint in his hand and was already  the judge if she would allow him to smoke one last joint before his sentence. Judge Melda denied Damaine’s request and advised him that she could have sent him to prison for up to one year but gave him credit for the 72 days he had already served.  See Yeah! “Brother D.” This ‘buds for you!’

Cincinnati

Doomsday profit didn’t see nor predict that he would be going to jail: 

I thought the mugs were crazy in other parts of our state, but oooowee! Those ones down in Cinci are off the chain! On Nov. 14, a federal judge sentenced self-styled doomsday prophet Ronald Weinland to three-and-a-half years in prison for failing to pay taxes on income he earned (stole) while running a worldwide ministry from his Union home for more than a decade. U.S. District Judge Danny Reeves also ordered the 63 year old to pay $245,176 in back taxes and a $7,000 fine. Rev. R.W. was found guilty in June of five counts of income tax evasion for failing to pay taxes on $4.4 million in income from 2004 through 2007, according to court records.  Why wasn’t this clown able to predict that his behind would be going to the slammer for doing this dumb stuff?  See Yuh!                                                                                        

Homeowner opens fire, blasting at thief breaking into his house: A homeowner fired several gunshots at a suspected burglar, Wednesday, after arriving home and finding the man exiting his residence, according to the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office. No one was hurt when gunfire erupted during a confrontation about 11:45 a.m. in the 7000 block of Glendale-Milford Road, sheriff’s officials said. The suspect, identified as Jason Hawk, 32, hopped into a vehicle and sped off but was later apprehended by Fairfax police on Ohio 50. He did not return fire at the homeowner, authorities said. He faces one count of aggravated burglary. The homeowner has a license to carry a concealed weapon, sheriff’s officials said. Maybe next time Jason just might catch some buckshot’s in his behind.

Gerale is going to jail for cruelty to his pregnant baby’s momma’s cat: Police responded Oct. 25 to a Westwood home where Gerale Witcher was accused of assaulting his pregnant girlfriend. He was charged with domestic violence for beating his woman, killing his girlfriend’s cat, obstructing official business, disorderly conduct and criminal damaging. “I’m not a violent person,” Witcher told the judge. “It wasn’t done on purpose.”  The outraged judge called this fools actions “an act of incredible cruelty” and sent his behind away for 60 days for obstructing official business by giving police a fake name when he was arrested.  Greenberg also ordered dude to not own pets for 15 years. The original domestic violence charge against him was dismissed when his girlfriend, now 4 1/2 months pregnant, failed for the second time to show up for that case. Wow!

Cincinnati highlights of the notorious 68 year old “Granny Robber:” Back in 2008, it seemed simple enough. She just wanted to help her son. So, she robbed banks. Barbara Joly realized her red Chevy Cobalt was almost out of fuel and pulled up to a gas pump after a nearly $6,100.00 heist and her robbery of the Mason Peoples Building & Loan, which the money lay on the passenger seat beside her. The 68-year-old housewife and grandmother got out to fill her tank as a pack of sirens and police cruisers zoomed by. She said, “I saw all the police cars and I remembered wondering where they were going?” Until she undertook an eight-month bank robbery spree, she was just another quiet ‘lil old lady. She became known as the “Granny Robber.” Barbara herself would tell a judge, “I’m so sorry for the horrible mistakes I’ve made. I just can’t make heads or tails of some of it.”  It has been 31/2 years since Joly started serving a nine-year prison term.  Po thang, next time she might know betta. Hindsight is 20/20.

O’ thieving Brian was busted for the Gardenhill Lane robbery heist: On Nov. 26, it was reported that Brian Compton, whose resident address is registered as being an Merlin Mesa Arizonian, was the culprit in the robbery and heist which took place at a home in the 5600 block of Gardenhill Lane in the Winton Hills community where he had no business even being. Mr. B probably will wind up a resident of the State of Ohio for a while where his change of address will be a part of his public record. Dummy!   

Columbus

Angry 22 year old son stabbed his momma and her boyfriend: Either this chump was blasted out of his mind or his momma or her dude did something that really ticked him off.  On Nov.17, around 9:45 a.m., a call was received from a home in the 3400 block of Deshier Avenue, about a 22 year old dude named Juanito. He got mad and stabbed his momma’s boyfriend. When Juan’s mother, Cynthia, heard all the commotion between her son and her dude, she intervened and her tripped out son turned and stabbed her. After the stabbing, Junior took off running but the cops caught him a few blocks away at the Liv-Moor Park.

Police tasered a dude so geeked up it didn’t work on him: Ohhhhh snap! What was this clown on? On Oct.27, at around 3 p.m., the manager at the In-Town Suites on Hilton Corporate Drive, called the cops and told them that they had and irate sucka in their hotel refusing to leave. When the police arrived, they talked with dude and walked him out of the building. Once they were in the parking lot, dude flared up and things got out of hand. The cops tasered his butt, which had no effect.  Oooooh Snaps! They ended up having to shoot this dude. The suspect was taken to an area hospital. He was admitted for treatment.  

A 22 year old woman named Anna drove by and shot up Greg’s house: Oooowe! What’s up with that? On Nov, 26, at 4:38 p.m., a call was received from a house in the 2600 block of Woodsedge Road, where po’ lil’ frightened fella Gregory Braxton said a 22 year old woman named Ayanna Mae Louden drove by and shot up his crib. Whatever this was about “G” needs to watch his back because we all know “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Lookout Dude! 

Another incident at the United Dairy Farm store: On Nov. 30, around 5:28 p.m., a fella named Corey stopped to get some gas at the United Dairy Farmers location in the 1000 block of West Broad Street. While at the pump, two thugs ran up to him, flashed their pistols, and then they shot Corey in his left side. The two cowardly bastards took off running like two scared jackrabbits. Anybody that was in the area who saw something needs to step up and say something and let the chips fall where they may.  Call Crime Stoppers at (614) 645-4141 and get paid.

Two dudes and two women knock off a beauty supply store for 3 grand: It’s a damn shame that four big ol’ healthy bastards like this can devise a scheme and walk around going in business stealing. If these clowns can mastermind a scam like this, they have enough sense to create a business and do something positive for the community.  Back on April 19, four shoplifters went into the Ultra Beauty Supply store on Polaris Parkway and began working in pairs stealing stuff off the shelves and stuffing it into shoulder bags. By the time they finished, they had racked up over $ 3,500 worth of merchandise, enough to open their own store. The suspects are a big heavyset dark woman, a short fat dude who might be in his 30s, a tall husky rascal, and short plump woman wearing some big pink sweat pants. The reward is about two grand, if you know something, say something and get paid. (614) 645-4141

Cleveland

Help! Angry employee at the dialysis center is freaking out raising hell: On Dec.3, around 7:26 a.m., a supervisor named Grady at the dialysis center on West 25th and Archwood Avenue, called and requested that a car be sent out immediately because they needed to help to remove an angry employee causing trouble. A car was sent out to help cool down this crazy idiot.

Lil’ red car just slammed into the guardrail on I90 and 71 South: Around 7:29 a.m., on Dec.3, several calls from passing motorist and a police sergeant were received reporting that a lil’ red car had just slammed to a guardrail on I90 and 71 South.  Although it appears that there are no injuries, the driver may be in need of some kind of assistance. A unit was sent out to check and see what was going on.

Mesha called 911 and said her baby’s daddy is there acting a fool: On Dec.3, at about 7:30 a.m., a very frantic woman name Mesha, who lives in the 3000 block of East 146th Street, called and reported that her kids 47 year old daddy, Kevin Cardwell, was over there raising hell and acting like a damn fool.  Miss “M” told the dispatcher he is refusing to leave and just might have a gun. She also asked for EMS to come out indicating that she had possibly been assaulted. Several cars were sent out to see if they could cool down Big Daddy.

There’s lots of drug activity in a vacant house over on East 74th Street: On Dec.3, at 7:35 a.m., a call came from an angry resident in the 2200 block of East 74th Street, reporting that there’s a bunch of knuckleheads all standing out front and around the vacant house next door selling drugs. The caller also one of the runners has his bike in the yard, waiting for some activity.  As I have often said, it’s a damn shame that, if a bunch of bastards can get up this early to go and stand around trying to sell drugs, they can find a job somewhere working first shift. 

Woman on Addison Road said she just heard several shots fired: Around 7:41 a.m., on Dec.3, a woman driving down Addison Road near St. Clair Avenue, called and reported she had just heard several gunshots and thought a car should come out and check the area for the shooting activity.  A car was sent to check out why these bozos were shooting at each other at this time in the morning.

A grey Honda just got into a wreck near West 25th and I90: Around 7:32 a.m., on Dec.3, there were several concerned motorist who called and reported that a grey Honda and another car had just gotten into a wreck and both cars had pulled on the side of the road. The callers said it didn’t appear as though there were any injuries. A car was sent out to investigate the wreck.